The turDunkin’ is a turkey brined in Dunkin’ Donuts coolattas, stuffed with munchkins and served with coffee gravy and mashed hash browns. The turDunkin’ should not be confused with the hot meaty mess that is a turducken, which is a turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken.
The first step is to brine the turkey overnight. We used 4 cups kosher salt, 1.75 gallons of water, 3 bay leaves, 3 cinnamon sticks, 1 32-oz Dunkin’ Donuts orange coolatta and 1 32-oz Dunkin’ Donuts strawberry coolatta.
We boiled all ingredients except the coolattas to dissolve the salt and extract the flavor of the bay leaves and cinnamon sticks. We placed the turkey in a large container and poured the brine over it. We covered the container to keep the turkey in the brine and prevent spilling while we transferred it to the refrigerator.
We noticed that our container (hey, it’s not like it had used kitty litter in it, but it does add a certain amount of unwholesomeness, doesn’t it?) had a helpful illustration. Be advised: this container is not fit for brining babies.
To prepare the stuffing, we purchased a 50-piece box of assorted munchkins, which weighed about 1.5 lbs.
We cut them in half and toasted them at 450° for 10 minutes. We chopped one large red onion and sauteed it in 4 tbs of butter. Then we combined the sauteed onion with two tablespoons of dried sage and one cup of vegetable broth and mixed well.
The next step is to stuff the turkey. When we took the turkey out of the brine, we admired its fluorescent pink color.
We stuffed the turkey, placed pads of bacon under the wings and trussed it. We rubbed the surface with sea salt and placed it in the oven breast side down at 325° for 2.5 hours. We basted it with butter twice.
We then flipped the turkey to place it breast side up and roast it for an additional 90 minutes. During this phase of roasting, we basted it once with butter.
Once the turkey reached 160°F, we made the glaze for it. It was based on a loose interpretation of the recipe for a honey glaze in Joy of Cooking: 75th Anniversary Edition – 2006 and the ingredients list for the Dunkin’ Donuts glazed donut. We mixed 1 lb confectioner’s sugar, 1/3 cup corn syrup, 1/4 cup water, 1/4 tsp agar and a squirt of lemon juice. We brought the mixture to a simmer to create a syrup. Twenty minutes before the turkey came out of the oven (165° internal temperature), we gave the turkey a light basting with the syrup so that it would caramelize (we used 1/4 of the syrup for this step). Once the turkey reached 175°, we took it out of the oven and poured syrup over every side. The glaze coated it very nicely! We then applied sprinkles.
Not everything we do here at Unwholesome Foods is successful at first attempt, so for the sake of full disclosure and to warn others who might be interested in making coffee-flavored gravy, we will tell you what not to do.
For our coffee gravy attempt, we collected and strained the drippings from the turkey. We added two cups of vegetable broth and simmered it with 1/4 cup of whole coffee beans. After failing to achieve a coffee flavor after 15 minutes, we added 1/4 cup cracked coffee beans. Fifteen minutes of further simmering didn’t produce results, so we added two shots of espresso. That too failed to add a coffee flavor to the gravy, so we used 2 tsp finely ground coffee. The taste went from “gravy” to “burnt coffee”. Maybe it was just too hot and so the powdered coffee immediately burned.
What turkey dinner is complete without mashed potatoes? Or, in this case, mashed hash browns! We mashed them with a potato masher, which is a technique that preserves all the hash brown flavor.
Here we poured gravy on them for decorative purposes only.
Beth: The turDunkin’ was largely delicious. It was a bit too salty. I think our kosher salt to normal salt conversion for the brine was off. The coolatta only penetrated the outer reaches of the white meat, but it was delicious and subtle in those places. The gravy was wrong (adds Alex: on every level). We should not have tried to boil beans in the gravy. We should have used coffee instead of vegetable stock. It had a good consistency, though. I am proud of my gravy consistency. The mashed browns were pretty good. Basic and potatoey. Anyway, I was very happy with the turkey, the glaze and sprinkles, and the stuffing. But then, I have always been a fan of combining sweet and savory things. I like chocolate on my pretzels and popcorn on my ice cream 🙂
Kristen: The coolatta flavor didn’t penetrate the meat, but the turkey was deliciously moist.
Alex: While the first several bites were delicious, I quickly descended into a hell for the gluttonous that would be beyond the imaginings of pedestrians like Dante. That having been said I had several servings.
Dave: Instead of honey glaze, next time we should use jelly squeezed from jelly donuts. Then you’ll have just a mound of squeezed jelly donuts.
Alex: They could be baked into a casserole.
I love and miss you guys so much!
So what’s the next UnwholesomeFoods project? Jelly donut casserole? McDonald’s shepherd’s pie? Whatever it is, I want in!
So, was the bacon taken from breakfast sandwiches?
Diced toasted bagel, or english muffin could be added to give the stuffing mode body…
Nice, guys. Don’t let Whole Foods see your logo.
Gravy: Why not a simple red-eye gravy, using DD coffee and the turkey drippings?
I think you’ve gone beyond “unwholesome” and earned the name “Unholy.”
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Definitely my kind of humor. Love.
Happy T-Dunkin Day!
This made my morning. Can now wait to show BF who just spent 22 plus hours working at WF for the fiendish yups who want vegan t_day.
I saw this recipe on Oprah. Martha was on talking about the myths of heart disease and obesity. And pushing her new line of sex toys.
Too bad I don’t like coffee.
(in my best Paula Deen voice) Good gravy. My blood sugar went up just looking at this ya’ll! Hope medics are standing by.
Next time try instant espresso powder instead of trying to get coffee flavor from actual coffee.
and also, this is the most AWESOME disgusting collection of recipes that I have EVER seen. This made my day! Thanks!!! 😀
Replace the cranberry sauce with jelly donuts innards. That seems like the next logical step to me.
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Next time use the coolatta as a turkey injector mix! Then you can get the flavor throughout the meat.
That’s an interesting idea. The brine only really got the flavor into the outer 1/2″ of meat. It would be great to get it deeper.
For those of us you don’t live in places that sell the Double-D…what, exactly, is “coolatta”?
FYI – Not sure if you did this (so forgive me if I sound pedantic for a second) you have to rinse the turkey after brining and pat it dry – that may be why you had the salty flavor afterwards.
@Kaitlyn – a Coolatta is basically an icy/sugary drink from DD that can be either coffee or fruit-flavored. Which, actually, given that most ‘recipes’ for brining call for water, sugar, and fruit juice, is not that far off.
(Yeah, I spent too much time on the internet last week looking at Thanksgiving recipes. Don’t judge me.)
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You’re not a cartoonist as well, are you?
can you post a ‘like’ link for facebook?
It looks all good sept the turky
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“Be advised: this container is not fit for brining babies.” hahaha!
O-M-G. I laughed reading this all the way through! Thanks for that and thanks for having such a fun and (tasty?) experiment!!
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If you didn’t stuff the bird, you could deep fry it…
Inspired, yet disgusting. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
I would not eat this on a bet! I got kind of a laugh when it was shown marinating in a Tidy Cat container (that’s just nasty and sick). Y’all are crazy and I intend on going out and buying stock in antacids and anti-depressants because anybody that would eat this needs both. Take care and leave that stuff alone.
Just reading it I was slowly feeling more and more sick to my stomach…
I think after a meal like that you’d want to run for several hours– and that shouldn’t be difficult with the amount of caffeine involved with the gravy. Ick.
Wow… how many calories? Lol
I like salty & sweet combinations, but no candy on my meat, thanks.
I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard after reading a food blog! You people are great! I am going to cross post this. I’m confident you appreciate the humor of your blog… the marinating container was way over the top and spectacular.
I think my heart just exploded.
This was deliciously funny! Love the satire! Will definitely visit again — congrats on being FP’d.
Are you guys for real?! I was thinking to myself while reading, “No. No, no, no. Just don’t read anymore, Rita.” But, then, like a bad car accident, I couldn’t look away.
Yea, I saw that TurDucken thing when Paula Dean was making it on her show and couldn’t believe that one either. But I have to give you credit for yours at least not being cross-specied disgusting like hers was. 🙂
Okay, maybe not “cross-specied,” I know they’re all fowl. But it’s still gross.
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This was so fun to read! I LOVE IT! Don’t think I’d make it, as much as I adore donuts and all…but so entertaining! Tidy Cat bucket…ha ha ha!
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This looks like a heart attack sprinkled with some cavities waiting to happen lol. Maybe one day I will make it and send some pics. This was very enjoyable to read, keep up the cool work 🙂
Oh dear! Interesting, yes – but I need some Pepto after looking at the photo of that turdunkin. Very creative and nauseating, and curiously entertaining! Good job!
Welp, this goes against everything that is sane in the preachings of my blog, but wow…most inspiring thing I’ve witnessed all day!! Go you guys!!
At first I thought this was a post about someone on TV who made this but I’m wrong there. Somehow it reminds me of the Twilight Zone movie. It’s that one story where there’s this kid who made up his family, house, and etc. This is exactly what that kid would have on his dinner table because all they ate was junk food.
Ok-So this is just too freaking weird. Ok, so maybe I wanna try this. Am I sick?
Wow! After eating that, I feel like I have to hit the treadmill for the rest of my life.
I don’t know whether I wanted to be revulsed by this or make it at home with the corrections. Either/or, a Turkey with sprinkles would be positively camp for this homestead. Thanks for the horrors, laughs, and intrigue. Looking forward to more 😀
OK! I thought I was going to die laughing when I read the “this container not suitable for brining babies” comment!
Hilarious! That is unless you’re actually expecting someone to eat this stuff. Great blog, congrats on being FP’d.
Amazing execution. Who cares how it tasted? It looks de.lic.ious
Shocked and appaled in NYC
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the sprinkles were the best part!
wow…. thats an interesting turkey… it looks delicious though! congrats on being freshly pressed! :]
Best Diet Blog EVER! 😀
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, I cook everything, and that picture with sprinkles on the crown jewel of the day is sacreligious.
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Looks sinful … and yummy!
Disgusting yet kind of good looking! Sounds pretty intense!
Best thing on the Internet, EVAH! I am religiously following your every word and horrendous pic! Ahahaharhahr!
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I’m up for anything covered in hundreds and thousands… Except for that! Thanks for the fun.
YUM a sweet and salty treat like nothing I have ever seen! Not sure about the gravy 😉 keep up the unwholesomeness!
I am get this food in my dream. Hehe….
Prestigious site, thanks for the post… I suggest NotitiAE too… at this link:
The reviews and commentary were ridiculously funny. I enjoyed every minute spent.
P.S. I wouldn’t click on the link at freshly pressed of soooooo long, just because of that picture 😎
Was this entry for fun? I tried the recipe but left off the sprinkles. I’m on a diet.
Wow this is very creative but reaching a bit 🙂 http://www.copperetiquette.wordpress.com
I’m so glad that you were Freshly Pressed. Your blog is awesome! I can’t wait to dive into it more.
My favorite part…the kitty litter container. =)
That is awesome, you should post this on thisiswhyyourefat.com. They have a ton of foods like this. Unwholesomely good.
AAAAARGHHHH!!! *runs screaming into the night* I almost took this seriously. I ESPECIALLY enjoyed the Tidy Cats bucket. Nice touch. That’s gonna pop up in my head at inappropriate moments for the rest of my life and then some. How many tissues did you folks use wiping your eyes and blowing your noses while doing this?
Of course, now I AM kinda taking it seriously. It looks like it doesn’t matter if you get it quite right, it’s still gonna be what it is (atrocious, appalling and scary). But the Monster Under My Bed is looking a little nervous (all the militant, anti-Martha Stewart dust bunnies are in an uproar, too), so maybe not.
This takes a serious mass of creativity to actually come up with!
Congratulatiosn on being freshly pressed! I think it sounds awesome…… but you have won an award for making “anything that kids might try”.
Have something for vegetables?
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Wow! All I could see when reading this was Turd-unkins.
lol me too, but I think that was the point.lol
My kids would totally eat this: ANYTHING with sprinkles is better than anything without…
Delicious yet revolting.
I have only one thing to say. Make that two things to say.
I had no idea there was something like a turkey brined in Dunkin’ Donuts coolattas. That just seems totally wild to me. And half disgusting. But how the hell does it also look good to me? Kinda weird, huh?
Second thing. Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed! A turkey brined in Dunkin’ Donuts coolattas is, or rather was, being featured on WordPress’s homepage!
Ashley, aka TheEverydayMuser
That looks astounding, but also a little terrifying. I couldn’t not look after seeing the image on the WordPress front page.
I wish I’d come across your blog sooner, I spent hours looking at crazy recipes for a post I wrote myself recently, but it’s nice to see such a thorough preparation guide.
I like sprinkles on everything – I thought -you may have cured me.
I give DD six months before they steal this idea and start promoting it for November. We Americans will eat anything… LOL
Ahhh… if only you guys had a “Share” button….
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You need a share button, definitely.
The kitty-litter turned turkey-briner was a stroke of evil genius.
Consider me subscribed! 🙂
how can i purchase this
I think I just vomited in my mouth. Wtf is up with the sprinkles? Is it a festive dead bird? I’ll pass.
Congrats on FP! 🙂
that was my first reaction..lol
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And life goes on…Get a job. (LOL)
Wow….I have never seen that before. At my daughter’s job they sale Turduckin’s
(a Turkey, stuffed with a Duck, stuffed with a Chicken)…..But I think your way is much better! LOL
This is so wrong it is right! Genius!
This recipe is pretty good.. could use more sprinkles.
I like to put Tang in my brines.
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Appalled in Spain. There have got to be foreign leaders somewhere squealing with delight and repeating “Our plan is working, our plan is working, they will kill themselves”.
This looks delicious! At first I was confused, but after reading exactly what the TurDunkin’ is, I must say that your creativity is impressive! The kitty litter container was a nice touch too! 😉
Congratulations on the Fresh Pressing, and I have to say that this looks like a wonderfully unholy offense against all that is good and right in the world. A delicious, delicious abomination….
I loves me some turducken!! YUM!
Ok that is freaked me out a bit. I have not had breakfast yet and now I am not sure if I want a donut or a turkey.
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You had me at the turkey, but lost me at the sprinkles. Orange and lemon sugared jelly slices would be more in keeping as a decorative and tasty touch. Think I’ll head for the throne to barf a bit and then come back for seconds. Can’t wait to see what’s next on the menu! Delicioso! Zagat and Michellin…where are you?
I am speechless.
And that doesn’t often happen!
It took me a while to stop laughing and retching simultaneously!
Thanks to Granny above for the link 😉
ทัวร์สิงคโปร์ ทัวร์ฮ่องกง ทัวร์เซี่ยงไฮ้
Thank you 🙂
Wow this is amazing, I want to try. We are working on a project in which people submit suggestions of crazy sandwiches they would like us to make, it would be great if you gave us some I’m sure you would come up with something ermm intresting 🙂
For future reference: Southerners (my mom is one) have been making coffee-based gravy for decades. It is traditionally eaten with slices of fried ham. Google ‘Red-eye gravy’ and you will find all kinds of versions of the wheel that you tried to re-invent. Two hints: 1) use strong brewed coffee, not beans and 2) a tablespoon of brown sugar will balance the flavors.
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What if you tried using brewed coffee? Could you do a combo of vegetable stock and coffee?
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My up to date suss out d evolve:
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