TurDunkin’

The turDunkin’ is a turkey brined in Dunkin’ Donuts coolattas, stuffed with munchkins and served with coffee gravy and mashed hash browns. The turDunkin’ should not be confused with the hot meaty mess that is a turducken, which is a turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken.

TurDunkin'

TurDunkin’ Recipe
The first step is to brine the turkey overnight. We used 4 cups kosher salt, 1.75 gallons of water, 3 bay leaves, 3 cinnamon sticks, 1 32-oz Dunkin’ Donuts orange coolatta and 1 32-oz Dunkin’ Donuts strawberry coolatta.

Adding a coolatta

We boiled all ingredients except the coolattas to dissolve the salt and extract the flavor of the bay leaves and cinnamon sticks. We placed the turkey in a large container and poured the brine over it. We covered the container to keep the turkey in the brine and prevent spilling while we transferred it to the refrigerator.

Turkey and brine in kitty litter container

We noticed that our container (hey, it’s not like it had used kitty litter in it, but it does add a certain amount of unwholesomeness, doesn’t it?) had a helpful illustration. Be advised: this container is not fit for brining babies.

Warning: do not brine babies

To prepare the stuffing, we purchased a 50-piece box of assorted munchkins, which weighed about 1.5 lbs.

We cut them in half and toasted them at 450° for 10 minutes. We chopped one large red onion and sauteed it in 4 tbs of butter. Then we combined the sauteed onion with two tablespoons of dried sage and one cup of vegetable broth and mixed well.

Stuffing

The next step is to stuff the turkey. When we took the turkey out of the brine, we admired its fluorescent pink color.

Pink turkey

We stuffed the turkey, placed pads of bacon under the wings and trussed it. We rubbed the surface with sea salt and placed it in the oven breast side down at 325° for 2.5 hours. We basted it with butter twice.

We then flipped the turkey to place it breast side up and roast it for an additional 90 minutes. During this phase of roasting, we basted it once with butter.

Once the turkey reached 160°F, we made the glaze for it. It was based on a loose interpretation of the recipe for a honey glaze in Joy of Cooking: 75th Anniversary Edition – 2006 and the ingredients list for the Dunkin’ Donuts glazed donut. We mixed 1 lb confectioner’s sugar, 1/3 cup corn syrup, 1/4 cup water, 1/4 tsp agar and a squirt of lemon juice. We brought the mixture to a simmer to create a syrup. Twenty minutes before the turkey came out of the oven (165° internal temperature), we gave the turkey a light basting with the syrup so that it would caramelize (we used 1/4 of the syrup for this step). Once the turkey reached 175°, we took it out of the oven and poured syrup over every side. The glaze coated it very nicely! We then applied sprinkles.

Sliced turkey

Coffee Gravy
Not everything we do here at Unwholesome Foods is successful at first attempt, so for the sake of full disclosure and to warn others who might be interested in making coffee-flavored gravy, we will tell you what not to do.

For our coffee gravy attempt, we collected and strained the drippings from the turkey. We added two cups of vegetable broth and simmered it with 1/4 cup of whole coffee beans. After failing to achieve a coffee flavor after 15 minutes, we added 1/4 cup cracked coffee beans. Fifteen minutes of further simmering didn’t produce results, so we added two shots of espresso. That too failed to add a coffee flavor to the gravy, so we used 2 tsp finely ground coffee. The taste went from “gravy” to “burnt coffee”. Maybe it was just too hot and so the powdered coffee immediately burned.

Mash Browns
What turkey dinner is complete without mashed potatoes? Or, in this case, mashed hash browns! We mashed them with a potato masher, which is a technique that preserves all the hash brown flavor.

Mashed browns

Here we poured gravy on them for decorative purposes only.

Plate of turkey

Reviews
Beth: The turDunkin’ was largely delicious. It was a bit too salty. I think our kosher salt to normal salt conversion for the brine was off. The coolatta only penetrated the outer reaches of the white meat, but it was delicious and subtle in those places.  The gravy was wrong (adds Alex: on every level). We should not have tried to boil beans in the gravy. We should have used coffee instead of vegetable stock. It had a good consistency, though.  I am proud of my gravy consistency.  The mashed browns were pretty good.  Basic and potatoey.  Anyway, I was very happy with the turkey, the glaze and sprinkles, and the stuffing. But then, I have always been a fan of combining sweet and savory things. I like chocolate on my pretzels and popcorn on my ice cream:)

Kristen: The coolatta flavor didn’t penetrate the meat, but the turkey was deliciously moist.

Alex: While the first several bites were delicious, I quickly descended into a hell for the gluttonous that would be beyond the imaginings of pedestrians like Dante. That having been said I had several servings.

Random Commentary
Dave: Instead of honey glaze, next time we should use jelly squeezed from jelly donuts. Then you’ll have just a mound of squeezed jelly donuts.

Alex: They could be baked into a casserole.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

134 Responses to TurDunkin’

  1. lizsmith says:

    I love and miss you guys so much!

  2. Clara says:

    So what’s the next UnwholesomeFoods project? Jelly donut casserole? McDonald’s shepherd’s pie? Whatever it is, I want in!

  3. Justin says:

    So, was the bacon taken from breakfast sandwiches?
    Diced toasted bagel, or english muffin could be added to give the stuffing mode body…

  4. Jessica says:

    Nice, guys. Don’t let Whole Foods see your logo.

  5. Susan says:

    Gravy: Why not a simple red-eye gravy, using DD coffee and the turkey drippings?

  6. Julia says:

    I think you’ve gone beyond “unwholesome” and earned the name “Unholy.”

  7. Pingback: 10 Bizarre And Awesome Turkey Recipes For Thanksgiving | ZootPatrol.com

  8. Pingback: Happy Thanksgiving: The Turdunkin’ : Stuff I Stole From the Internet

  9. Jessica says:

    Definitely my kind of humor. Love.

    Happy T-Dunkin Day!

  10. kelly says:

    This made my morning. Can now wait to show BF who just spent 22 plus hours working at WF for the fiendish yups who want vegan t_day.

  11. I saw this recipe on Oprah. Martha was on talking about the myths of heart disease and obesity. And pushing her new line of sex toys.

    Too bad I don’t like coffee.

  12. Heather says:

    (in my best Paula Deen voice) Good gravy. My blood sugar went up just looking at this ya’ll! Hope medics are standing by.

  13. Natalie says:

    Next time try instant espresso powder instead of trying to get coffee flavor from actual coffee.

  14. Natalie says:

    and also, this is the most AWESOME disgusting collection of recipes that I have EVER seen. This made my day! Thanks!!!😀

  15. Replace the cranberry sauce with jelly donuts innards. That seems like the next logical step to me.

  16. Pingback: Best Turkey Ever | weeklypop

  17. Pingback: MonstrosTurkey of the Day: Turducken? Phooey! Meet the… | weeklypop

  18. Pingback: MonstrosTurkey of the Day: Turducken? Phooey! Meet the… | Thavage Amusement - Your daily dose of humor, jokes and mirth

  19. Pingback: Thanksgiving Leftovers: The TurDunkin Coffee and Donut Turkey

  20. Jessica says:

    Next time use the coolatta as a turkey injector mix! Then you can get the flavor throughout the meat.

  21. Kaitlyn says:

    For those of us you don’t live in places that sell the Double-D…what, exactly, is “coolatta”?

  22. Kristen says:

    FYI – Not sure if you did this (so forgive me if I sound pedantic for a second) you have to rinse the turkey after brining and pat it dry – that may be why you had the salty flavor afterwards.

    @Kaitlyn – a Coolatta is basically an icy/sugary drink from DD that can be either coffee or fruit-flavored. Which, actually, given that most ‘recipes’ for brining call for water, sugar, and fruit juice, is not that far off.

    (Yeah, I spent too much time on the internet last week looking at Thanksgiving recipes. Don’t judge me.)

  23. Pingback: Thanksgiving Runs on TurDunkin - My Food Looks Funny - Funny Food Photos

  24. figmentPez says:

    You’re not a cartoonist as well, are you?
    http://comics.com/f_minus/2010-11-25/

  25. long time friend says:

    can you post a ‘like’ link for facebook?

  26. landen says:

    It looks all good sept the turky

  27. Pingback: This Week in Kickass Travel Tweets: 5 Stories You Might Have Missed

  28. Pingback: Make your parents proud and cook for them! « Teens of the Chili Public Library

  29. Pingback: 2010 The Year in Bookmarks @ Hyperextended Metaphor

  30. Liv says:

    “Be advised: this container is not fit for brining babies.” hahaha!

  31. Currie Rose says:

    O-M-G. I laughed reading this all the way through! Thanks for that and thanks for having such a fun and (tasty?) experiment!!

  32. Pingback: 闲来话话 » TurDunkin’

  33. Margie says:

    If you didn’t stuff the bird, you could deep fry it…

  34. Inspired, yet disgusting. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  35. srqpix says:

    I would not eat this on a bet! I got kind of a laugh when it was shown marinating in a Tidy Cat container (that’s just nasty and sick). Y’all are crazy and I intend on going out and buying stock in antacids and anti-depressants because anybody that would eat this needs both. Take care and leave that stuff alone.

  36. Mnemosyne says:

    Just reading it I was slowly feeling more and more sick to my stomach…
    I think after a meal like that you’d want to run for several hours– and that shouldn’t be difficult with the amount of caffeine involved with the gravy. Ick.

  37. Lakia Gordon says:

    Wow… how many calories? Lol

  38. Just…why?
    I like salty & sweet combinations, but no candy on my meat, thanks.

  39. Sarah says:

    I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard after reading a food blog! You people are great! I am going to cross post this. I’m confident you appreciate the humor of your blog… the marinating container was way over the top and spectacular.

    Happy eating!

    Sarah
    moonmooring.wordpress.com

  40. Beau Lebens says:

    I think my heart just exploded.

  41. Kathy says:

    This was deliciously funny! Love the satire! Will definitely visit again — congrats on being FP’d.

  42. rtcrita says:

    Are you guys for real?! I was thinking to myself while reading, “No. No, no, no. Just don’t read anymore, Rita.” But, then, like a bad car accident, I couldn’t look away.

    Yea, I saw that TurDucken thing when Paula Dean was making it on her show and couldn’t believe that one either. But I have to give you credit for yours at least not being cross-specied disgusting like hers was.:)

  43. rtcrita says:

    Okay, maybe not “cross-specied,” I know they’re all fowl. But it’s still gross.

  44. Pingback: A blog to check out « All That Matters

  45. lisamg says:

    This was so fun to read! I LOVE IT! Don’t think I’d make it, as much as I adore donuts and all…but so entertaining! Tidy Cat bucket…ha ha ha!

  46. Pingback: 5 months away « sey(hee)

  47. P. Graham says:

    This looks like a heart attack sprinkled with some cavities waiting to happen lol. Maybe one day I will make it and send some pics. This was very enjoyable to read, keep up the cool work:)

  48. jillfeyka says:

    Oh dear! Interesting, yes – but I need some Pepto after looking at the photo of that turdunkin. Very creative and nauseating, and curiously entertaining! Good job!

  49. Phat Chow says:

    Welp, this goes against everything that is sane in the preachings of my blog, but wow…most inspiring thing I’ve witnessed all day!! Go you guys!!

    http://www.ReallyPhatChow.com

  50. At first I thought this was a post about someone on TV who made this but I’m wrong there. Somehow it reminds me of the Twilight Zone movie. It’s that one story where there’s this kid who made up his family, house, and etc. This is exactly what that kid would have on his dinner table because all they ate was junk food.

  51. J Roycroft says:

    Ok-So this is just too freaking weird. Ok, so maybe I wanna try this. Am I sick?

  52. Asian Dyna says:

    Wow! After eating that, I feel like I have to hit the treadmill for the rest of my life.

  53. mbaldelli says:

    I don’t know whether I wanted to be revulsed by this or make it at home with the corrections. Either/or, a Turkey with sprinkles would be positively camp for this homestead. Thanks for the horrors, laughs, and intrigue. Looking forward to more😀

  54. Cara says:

    OK! I thought I was going to die laughing when I read the “this container not suitable for brining babies” comment!

  55. huffygirl says:

    Hilarious! That is unless you’re actually expecting someone to eat this stuff. Great blog, congrats on being FP’d.

  56. jillybooks says:

    Amazing execution. Who cares how it tasted? It looks de.lic.ious

  57. Shocked and appaled in NYC

    =:-0

    ~J

  58. Pingback: TurDunkin’ (via Unwholesome Foods) « Escape From The Middle Class

  59. the sprinkles were the best part!

  60. wow…. thats an interesting turkey… it looks delicious though! congrats on being freshly pressed! :]

  61. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, I cook everything, and that picture with sprinkles on the crown jewel of the day is sacreligious.

    Well done.

  62. Pingback: TurDunkin’ | LoriLoo

  63. Sanjiv Khamgaonkar says:

    Looks sinful … and yummy!

  64. artfashionandhim says:

    Disgusting yet kind of good looking! Sounds pretty intense!

  65. Best thing on the Internet, EVAH! I am religiously following your every word and horrendous pic! Ahahaharhahr!

  66. Pingback: TurDunkin’ (via Unwholesome Foods) « It's on the Blog, Bitch!

  67. mjcache says:

    I’m up for anything covered in hundreds and thousands… Except for that! Thanks for the fun.

  68. dressed2dish says:

    YUM a sweet and salty treat like nothing I have ever seen! Not sure about the gravy😉 keep up the unwholesomeness!

  69. KandangTips says:

    I am get this food in my dream. Hehe….

  70. notitiae says:

    Prestigious site, thanks for the post… I suggest NotitiAE too… at this link:
    http://notitiae.wordpress.com/2011/01/16/croce-e-delizia-tour-io-sono-il-canto/

    in Italian…

  71. The reviews and commentary were ridiculously funny. I enjoyed every minute spent.

  72. Was this entry for fun? I tried the recipe but left off the sprinkles. I’m on a diet.

  73. J says:

    Wow this is very creative but reaching a bit:) http://www.copperetiquette.wordpress.com

  74. I’m so glad that you were Freshly Pressed. Your blog is awesome! I can’t wait to dive into it more.

    My favorite part…the kitty litter container. =)

  75. That is awesome, you should post this on thisiswhyyourefat.com. They have a ton of foods like this. Unwholesomely good.

  76. Thea says:

    AAAAARGHHHH!!! *runs screaming into the night* I almost took this seriously. I ESPECIALLY enjoyed the Tidy Cats bucket. Nice touch. That’s gonna pop up in my head at inappropriate moments for the rest of my life and then some. How many tissues did you folks use wiping your eyes and blowing your noses while doing this?

    Of course, now I AM kinda taking it seriously. It looks like it doesn’t matter if you get it quite right, it’s still gonna be what it is (atrocious, appalling and scary). But the Monster Under My Bed is looking a little nervous (all the militant, anti-Martha Stewart dust bunnies are in an uproar, too), so maybe not.

  77. This takes a serious mass of creativity to actually come up with!
    Congratulatiosn on being freshly pressed! I think it sounds awesome…… but you have won an award for making “anything that kids might try”.
    Have something for vegetables?
    xx

  78. Pingback: Guaranteed Success | Four Letter Word

  79. Wow! All I could see when reading this was Turd-unkins.

  80. My kids would totally eat this: ANYTHING with sprinkles is better than anything without…
    😉

  81. Delicious yet revolting.

  82. I have only one thing to say. Make that two things to say.
    I had no idea there was something like a turkey brined in Dunkin’ Donuts coolattas. That just seems totally wild to me. And half disgusting. But how the hell does it also look good to me? Kinda weird, huh?
    Second thing. Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed! A turkey brined in Dunkin’ Donuts coolattas is, or rather was, being featured on WordPress’s homepage!
    Ashley, aka TheEverydayMuser
    http://www.theeverydaymuser.wordpress.com

  83. Bigger Brother says:

    That looks astounding, but also a little terrifying. I couldn’t not look after seeing the image on the WordPress front page.

    I wish I’d come across your blog sooner, I spent hours looking at crazy recipes for a post I wrote myself recently, but it’s nice to see such a thorough preparation guide.

    http://stinkbiscuit.wordpress.com/

  84. RFW says:

    I like sprinkles on everything – I thought -you may have cured me.

  85. indyink says:

    I give DD six months before they steal this idea and start promoting it for November. We Americans will eat anything… LOL

  86. indyink says:

    Ahhh… if only you guys had a “Share” button….

  87. Pingback: TurDunkin’ Doughnut Turkey; Cough Syrup Sundae; Strawberry Pop Tartes ::Unwholesome Foods:: |

  88. C.H. says:

    You need a share button, definitely.

    The kitty-litter turned turkey-briner was a stroke of evil genius.

    Consider me subscribed!:)

  89. how can i purchase this

  90. Modern Funk says:

    I think I just vomited in my mouth. Wtf is up with the sprinkles? Is it a festive dead bird? I’ll pass.

    Congrats on FP!:)

  91. Pingback: Playing With Your Food…Online | marketingmouthful

  92. nearlynormalized says:

    And life goes on…Get a job. (LOL)

  93. Kari Cross says:

    Wow….I have never seen that before. At my daughter’s job they sale Turduckin’s
    (a Turkey, stuffed with a Duck, stuffed with a Chicken)…..But I think your way is much better! LOL

  94. This is so wrong it is right! Genius!

  95. robocooker says:

    This recipe is pretty good.. could use more sprinkles.

    I like to put Tang in my brines.

  96. Pingback: UnWHOLEsome FOODS! « Gilded Spork

  97. Pingback: TurDunkin’ (via Unwholesome Foods) | aronbee

  98. Appalled in Spain. There have got to be foreign leaders somewhere squealing with delight and repeating “Our plan is working, our plan is working, they will kill themselves”.

  99. This looks delicious! At first I was confused, but after reading exactly what the TurDunkin’ is, I must say that your creativity is impressive! The kitty litter container was a nice touch too!😉

  100. Chris Gladis says:

    Congratulations on the Fresh Pressing, and I have to say that this looks like a wonderfully unholy offense against all that is good and right in the world. A delicious, delicious abomination….

  101. Lindsay says:

    I loves me some turducken!! YUM!

  102. funcitygal says:

    Ok that is freaked me out a bit. I have not had breakfast yet and now I am not sure if I want a donut or a turkey.

    -Renee’
    @funcitygal

  103. Pingback: Cat Meowsic « Tales of a Clyde Woman

  104. LeeZee says:

    You had me at the turkey, but lost me at the sprinkles. Orange and lemon sugared jelly slices would be more in keeping as a decorative and tasty touch. Think I’ll head for the throne to barf a bit and then come back for seconds. Can’t wait to see what’s next on the menu! Delicioso! Zagat and Michellin…where are you?

  105. granny1947 says:

    I am speechless.
    And that doesn’t often happen!

  106. It took me a while to stop laughing and retching simultaneously!

    Thanks to Granny above for the link😉

  107. Wow this is amazing, I want to try. We are working on a project in which people submit suggestions of crazy sandwiches they would like us to make, it would be great if you gave us some I’m sure you would come up with something ermm intresting:)

  108. David says:

    For future reference: Southerners (my mom is one) have been making coffee-based gravy for decades. It is traditionally eaten with slices of fried ham. Google ‘Red-eye gravy’ and you will find all kinds of versions of the wheel that you tried to re-invent. Two hints: 1) use strong brewed coffee, not beans and 2) a tablespoon of brown sugar will balance the flavors.

  109. Pingback: The TurDunkin’

  110. Pingback: Mike2.com » Blog Archive » TurDunkin’

  111. Pingback: Thanksgiving: Facts, Myths, Tips and Trivia | Benvitalis's Blog

  112. Hi there, simply was alert to your weblog through Google, and located that it’s really informative. I’m going to be careful for brussels. I will appreciate should you proceed this in future. Numerous other people will likely be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

  113. hi!,I really like your writing so so much! share we be in contact more about your article on AOL? I require a specialist in this area to solve my problem. Maybe that is you! Looking ahead to peer you.

  114. A person essentially help to make critically posts I might state. That is the very first time I frequented your website page and up to now? I surprised with the research you made to make this actual submit extraordinary. Wonderful job!

  115. Micheal says:

    What if you tried using brewed coffee? Could you do a combo of vegetable stock and coffee?

  116. Pingback: Jody Victor® finds the most unusual use of coffee for Thanksgiving | Coffee With Jody Victor®

  117. Pingback: Hacking the holidays: how do you make Thanksgiving your own? | funkyfoods

  118. Pingback: Hacking the holidays: how do you make Thanksgiving your own? | News & Specials

  119. Pingback: Thanksgiving 2012 - 5 Mouth-Watering, Not-For-Everyone Turkey Recipes [And Photos] | Chase Jarvis Blog

  120. Pingback: 5 Mouth-Watering, Not-For-Everyone Thanksgiving Turkey Recipes [With Photos] @ Spotofoto

  121. Pingback: 5 Mouth-Watering, Not-For-Everyone Thanksgiving Turkey Recipes [With Photos] | Chase Jarvis | An information resource for Photographic Studio Lighting Kits and Equipment. | 

  122. Pingback: ECU Health Beat » Thanksgiving tip # 8: Don’t bust your belly! ECU experts summarize tips for a healthier holiday

  123. Pingback: Plan the most unforgettable Thanksgiving ever | The Ingram Report

  124. Pingback: 5 Bizarre Christmas Foods You Gotta Try, Maybe | Twirlit

  125. Pingback: Hacking the holidays: how do you make Thanksgiving your own? | Russia Today1 Россия сегодня

  126. Pingback: Cru Cafe | Try out a New Turkey- If You Dare. - Cru Cafe

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s