Egg Drop Coffee

Nothing says breakfast like coffee and eggs, right?

egg drop coffee

Look at that classy owl mug photobombing the egg drop coffee.

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Peppermint Hamburger Patties

Some people think peppermint patties are delicious, and some people think hamburger patties are delicious. A coincidence? We think not!

peppermint (hamburger) patty

It may be true that the only thing these two foods have in common is the word “patties”, but we don’t see why that’s any reason not to combine these foods into one!

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Have Yourself a Scary Little Solstice

As the holiday season enters full swing, you may be getting tired of the same old cookies. But we have the solution for you!

Through the addition of several mysterious ichors to standard spritz cookie dough (i.e. several drops of every color of food coloring) you too can create your own edible creatures of the deep. (You will also need a cookie gun. You know you want to own a device called a cookie gun.)


Here we showcase three modern beings of the briny depths – the sea cucumber, the sand dollar, and the sea urchin.

We also feature two ancient denizens from the time of the great old ones, the trilobite and the marella. Or is that some variety of opabinia that once walked the dead city of R’lyeh?

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Soylent Green Beans

With the arrival of Soylent and other nutritionally complete food substitutes, we realized that the greater internet community was stealing an idea we developed nearly two years ago!  However, the record of our invention sat unpublished gathering dust, allowing these upstarts to take the scene.

Our Soylent Green Beans have been confirmed by Kristen to be more delicious than MealSquares*.  We think it’s because of our secret ingredient.

*The staff of Unwholesome Foods makes no claims to the nutritional completeness of Soylent Green Beans.

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What is the secret of soylent green beans?

Cambridge, Massachusetts in the year 2012: Nothing runs anymore, nothing works, but the peeple are the same. And the peeple will do anything to get what they need, and what they need is soylent green beans.

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We call it terror-misu because this recipe has enough caffeine to give you heart palpitations.


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Ice Creamed Corn

We wanted to follow up our Ice Cream of Mushroom Soup with something that would appear to a broader range of palates.  We drew some inspiration from our friends’ popsicles and achieved success with this delightful recipe that could only have been invented in America.

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Jerky Butter

Everyone loves a good PB&J, but we thought it was time to add some variety to this old standby by inventing a new high-protein spread.

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