Soylent Green Beans

With the arrival of Soylent and other nutritionally complete food substitutes, we realized that the greater internet community was stealing an idea we developed nearly two years ago!  However, the record of our invention sat unpublished gathering dust, allowing these upstarts to take the scene.

Our Soylent Green Beans have been confirmed by Kristen to be more delicious than MealSquares*.  We think it’s because of our secret ingredient.

*The staff of Unwholesome Foods makes no claims to the nutritional completeness of Soylent Green Beans.

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What is the secret of soylent green beans?

Cambridge, Massachusetts in the year 2012: Nothing runs anymore, nothing works, but the peeple are the same. And the peeple will do anything to get what they need, and what they need is soylent green beans.


Prepare 20 oz. of frozen soy beans (edamame) according to the package instructions. While the soy beans are boiling, add fresh green beans (approximately 3 cups). Drain well.

Rinse one cup of lentils several times and then boil for 20-30 min or until tender. Drain well and mix with the soy beans and green beans.

Grind the soy-lent-green mixture with the secret ingredient that serves as a binder and adds additional calories in these troubled economic times.


Soylent green beans is Peeps!

Spread the mixture evenly on a greased cookie sheet and bake at 400 F for 45 min or until the biscuits are dry. Allow to cool and cut into squares.


Kim: Even just remembering it makes me nauseous.

Kristen: It reminds me of baby food. Not sure how I know what baby food tastes like, but it tastes like this. The texture was a bit too crumbly, so we should have used eggs to hold it together better. Some butter might have improved the taste, though it was not at all bad. It had a surprising sweetness. Certainly in the “dessert vegetables” category.

Beth: It was pretty good.  It tasted a little like lentil soup, and a little like the dried green bean snacks you can get at Whole Foods.  I guess that’s not too surprising.  The texture was like a chewy cookie.  I think it would have been better if it had been baked longer at a slightly lower temperature.  I ate mine toasted, and it was better warm.  The combination of all the flavors and the form factor made me think of a damp Power Bar.

Alex: It was pretty good when toasted and spread with butter.  It reminded me of samosa filling.

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